– You got a question? WOMAN: Yes. All right. So denial– believing that you– I. WOMAN: I. Own it. Was in a
relationship that was– [YELLING] Come on, now. Break it down. Girl, go for it. Believing that you were in
a relationship that was– For nine years that was
great, and it really wasn’t. But when did you
know it wasn’t? When did you know?
– I didn’t know it. I know.
Year two. Year four.
Year– I knew it in the
maybe second year. What were you in
denial about, baby? Maybe love and just
wanted some attention. No, no, no, no. I can’t leave you in your head
without adult supervision. [LAUGHTER] Right now, you’re
trying to figure it out. Take a breath. Because remember I said
earlier, we don’t do anything that we don’t benefit from. So take a breath. OK, close your eyelids. And repeat this and complete it. The reason– WOMAN: The reason– –I stayed WOMAN: –I stayed– –in the relationship– WOMAN: –in the relationship– –for so long–
WOMAN: –for so long– –is– WOMAN: –is– IYANLA: Right there. What was that? WOMAN: Comfort. Security.
– Yeah. OK, take a breath. Let’s go deeper. No, no. You’re sucking air in your nose. In your nose and
press the belly out. The reason– WOMAN: The reason– –I stayed– –I stayed– –in a dysfunctional
relationship– yeah, that’s OK.
Leave her. Don’t touch her.
Don’t touch her. She can handle it. She stayed for nine years’ hell. [LAUGHTER] You know, you’re
patting her on her butt. She out now. [LAUGHTER] She can handle it. Well, that’s what we do. When somebody else’s pain
makes us uncomfortable, we reach out to them. Let her cry. It ain’t the first time. Come on. –dysfunctional relationship– IYANLA: –so long–
WOMAN: –so long– –is– WOMAN: –is I was in denial. Now, you practice that one. OK, so let me– now, I’ve got– do you want
the red pill or the blue pill? [LAUGHTER] I’ll give you whichever
one you want, baby. You want a red, we’ll stop. You want the blue,
you want to heal. I want to heal. OK. The reason– The reason– IYANLA: –it was so easy– –it was so easy– IYANLA: –for me– –for me– IYANLA: –to dishonor myself– –to dishonor myself– IYANLA: –is– –is– Right there. What’s that? Breathe. Come on. What was that? –it was comfortable. IYANLA: Yeah, it was familiar. So it isn’t really about knowing
that the relationship wasn’t functional or good for you. It’s also about how
you participated in dishonoring yourself. And what is the
one thing that you told yourself in
that relationship that helped you to stay there? It was going to get better. IYANLA: Yeah. But when did you know
that wasn’t true? Many years ago. IYANLA: Yeah. And how long were
you willing to wait? Forever. IYANLA: Yeah. And look how– that’s
what dishonors you. The minute you accept less than
who you are, you accommodated. That’s accommodating crazy. What was the fear? Of being alone. IYANLA: Yeah. Good for you. [APPLAUSE] But here’s the
thing for all of you people that’s
afraid to be alone. If you don’t want to be with
you, why you think anybody else want to be with you? [LAUGHTER] Why do you think somebody
else wants to be with you? And you don’t even want
to be with your dern self. So understand if you
don’t want to be with you and this is what you
got, it can’t be much. What was the biggest
lesson you learned? That self care
is more important. IYANLA: Yes. Thank you, baby.
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