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Motherhood: Addressing the Single Mom Stigma | Black Women OWN the Conversation | OWN

100 Comments



– As you know, as a
political commentator, single moms get a bad rap. And they’ve–
– Absolutely. –been used as
political punch bags, like we are just the dredge
of the United States. I was married to a
very wealthy man. I got a divorce, walked away
from a million dollar lifestyle in South Florida
because that was the best thing to
give to my son, was a better life not with him. It just sometimes bothers
me how sometimes single moms just catch such a bad rap. Yeah. Like, we are just out
here, just willy-nilly, having babies with anybody,
just because we don’t have anything else better to do. I know a lot of people that are
married that are single moms. Because people– [LAUGHTER] There she says. There she– OK. No. I mean, I’m very serious. I have a lot of friends who are
married to very wealthy men, and they’re married
to the lifestyle. And they think that the baby
is going to save the marriage. Babies don’t save
marriages, they just prolong bad marriages. Everyone in this room wanted
to grow up and be a mother. Some of us, some of you did. No one wants to grow
up and be a single mom. You’re not on your
needs as a little girl and saying, I want to grow
up and be a single mom. No. Excuse me. My name is Lisa. I have, I think, a
unique experience. I have three sets of children. They range from 35 to 11. My children all have
separate fathers. I have been very fortunate
that with all four of the children and
the three fathers, they have partnered with
me every step of the way. A lot of people often have
said that being divorced has actually made parenting
more difficult. Has that been your experience? It’s made parenting
better for me. Wait, wait, wait. Say that again so that people– It’s made it better for me. Being divorced. Because I still
get to explore things that are important to me. I now have 50% of my time
free to focus on things that are important to me. If I was a full-time
mom, I couldn’t do that. I would be on a soccer
field every weekend. I would be at basketball
lessons and tutoring sessions. But because we split
that partnership 50/50, I have a lot more time
to focus on things that are important to me. I just wanted to say– you said that nobody
decides that they want to be a single mom. But you know, for me– some of us, that’s
just not true. You know, I didn’t decide
to be a single mom. I didn’t decide to
be a mom at all. And I needed to hear,
it’s time to stop. I needed to hear, “pat you on
your head, your legs fly open.” I needed to hear, “close them.” I needed to hear that subsequent
pregnancy was a real issue. I’d never heard of that. I needed commentators. I needed healthy start. I needed people, places,
things to say, hey. Because I didn’t
choose to be a mom. I said, thank you, and a
baby was the result. I said, I need somewhere to be tonight. You understand? While I chose to have those
babies after becoming pregnant, I didn’t necessarily
understand the choice that I was making getting to it. I know sex lead to babies, but
I didn’t think this “thank you. I need to stay here,” was
going to lead to that. You understand what I mean? I didn’t think that some of the
things that I needed to survive were going to lead to that. And so for those women
who looked at me sideways when I had one in a
stroller and one on my back, it took me quite a
many years to get it. But understanding what
subsequent pregnancy is and continuing to hear
that this does not have to be my choice, that
this does not have to be my circumstance, I don’t
have to place myself in situations where this is
going to be my end result. Some of us need that. Everybody– some of us,
experience is our teacher. And we’re all different. I just don’t want to
silence those complaints from the other end, because
somebody heard them. I know I had to hear.

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100 thoughts on “Motherhood: Addressing the Single Mom Stigma | Black Women OWN the Conversation | OWN”

  1. TheBohodiva says:

    Thank you for the woman at the end. My mom is bold and has these conversations with young women with babies. Some don’t listen and have more with different fathers. But you know some have come back and thanked her for saying what their mothers/aunts wouldn’t. If it’s out of love say it. Like the woman said. People need to hear it.

  2. ET says:

    Looks like women being victims to me…

  3. Courtney OmegaDeLancy says:

    Say this twice. I did a YouTube video years ago called "the other single mother"

  4. Perfeccionista says:

    She said "million dollar" lifestyle. She married him because of his money. Didn't even state she married him because she wanted to find her soul mate. She put material things before herself.
    Her fault so deal with it.

  5. Perfeccionista says:

    I rate the woman at the end. She is no different from woman at the start. Wanting men for a night to stay or using them for money is both whoring. At least the last woman can admit it.

  6. princeasante1 says:

    Black women will defend single motherhood as some sort of good thing. It’s not no matter how you spin it.

  7. mrcumm 02 says:

    Some of us have mothers that don't protect our wombs as teenagers

  8. William William says:

    Many of these single mother advocates are jaded as all hell. It's not about the man–it's you! Your choice of mate. Your choice of lifestyle over love and companionship. Your choice of selfishly fulfilling your dream of parenthood at all costs.

  9. gen nye says:

    this just shows how DELUSIONAL and irresponsible black women are and how we will never progress

  10. James D.H. says:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODIPnyAQUFo

  11. SelfCare After Series says:

    Yes sis at the end. Knowledge is power. We need to talk to each other and some behavior yields difficult results and it's okay to name something as "bad"

  12. Natasha N says:

    Ooh, the last lady dropped wisdom.

  13. Rosie Callender says:

    Black, beautiful ladies, we talk well! Now let us put the words into action. Let me keep it simple, stop allowing yourself to be treated like a piece of meat. Get to LOVE yourself and know your self worth. You are not a female dog in heat stop acting like one. "MUCH LOVE"

  14. Ben Cart Wright says:

    Lmaoooooo 😭😭😭

  15. Nesscia.Tele says:

    Has anyone ever heard of Single Parent by Choice? I know lots of women who are.

  16. thumbsaloft says:

    We love to live life in all kinds of ways, EXCEPT THE RIGHT WAY! The way GOD says, the ONLY CORRECT WAY!

  17. Mr Colemore says:

    3 kids from 3 men. Madam, you are not a single mum.

  18. JoMoe G. says:

    A child NEEDS MOM AND DAD..point blank PERIOD

  19. Jojo Saylor says:

    Please just close your legs and heart to men who dont give a damn about you. Divorce is not answer to your problems and neither is being a single mother.
    Sometimes we just have to admit we suck at relationships and we need help on finding a healthy relationship.

  20. Charlie Harris says:

    Single mothers subsidize their childrens' needs for their own selfish wants.

  21. Jay_RichTV says:

    Its funny its always someone else’s fault except the woman

  22. Adrianne Edwards says:

    Despite what black women think, many aren’t very good at being mothers. Especially when you prioritize boys over girls.

  23. shamare04 says:

    I'm so disappointed with these comments. Our problem is that we are so closed minded. We can't think out of the box. We are judging all of these women so harshly. There is more than one version of the truth. Just bc someone doesn't speak YOUR truth doesn't make it a lie. It's just not for you. If anything these 3 women show that we can't treat all women and their issues the same.

  24. TheAngelah72 says:

    subset pregnancy 🤰🏾
    wow!!! so relatable!!

  25. T Michelle says:

    Thank you to the last lady for keeping it real. Like she needed to hear it sooner in life, someone else needed to hear what she shared.

  26. Danielle Fields says:

    Women needs to take some responsibility for the choices you make you are the gatekeepers of when a man can sleep with or not it's not always the men fault.

  27. She is Divine Operation says:

    Mother + Father = Child
    It’s a better option for the family.

  28. She is Divine Operation says:

    Fathers need to protect and lead their families & communities. We see the results of broken homes. It’s not good.

  29. FALLONA BESTFRIENDINYOURHEAD says:

    Not everyone chose to be a single mother before but our society some people definitely choose to be babymamas . Use children as a form of career with rappers ,players and business men .

  30. Oh please Beleive me says:

    I heard no solution whatsoever for this phenomenon I only heard emotional women speaking. The real issue is black people especially black women are too hypocritical to recognize this phenomenon as bad for the overall well-being of the black community in the first place. Tired of this middle class women trying to justify their selfish choice of divorce (but not always) at all costs and for whatever reason. but as we all know , it’s not an individual thing is a group phenomenon. Until we have a new generation of strong and honest black men and women who will make stable black families their priority ,nothing will change. Segregation,systemic racism,Jim crow, slavery, colonialism,Police brutality or Donald Trump have very little if nothing to do with your ability to find the right partner to raise your kids period!

  31. C G says:

    Single motherhood isn't always a choice.

  32. LRissa19 says:

    This show is EPIC. We need to start the conversation. It may take a while but these are our stories and they are vast and real.

  33. Chala Hannon says:

    This was so good‼️ Thank you‼️

  34. JJ Black says:

    Can you have a new born a 3 month old and a 1 year old

  35. MultiKingvegeta says:

    Men aren't the problem

  36. Ms. Rawkii Joy, Educator says:

    I’ve heard that saying before “Close your legs,” at the age of 34/35. I never wanted open them as a youth but was mentally manipulated into doing so. Better now than never at all because regret and bitterness is not a good look on me; it stills your femininity away.

  37. Keld El says:

    Why does the narrator look like and sounds like a tranny ??

    She decided to divorce her millionaire husband and take her son……and we are supposed to believe that she was justified in doing so on her say so ?? And all those ugly broads nodding their heads in agreement…….what a farce.

  38. MADDMANN 24 says:

    This sh,is so pathetic,these black women,just making up excuses,to just be whores,and you wonder why the so,call black community,is so f,up.

  39. K D says:

    single men please avoid single mothers…nothing good will come out of it..being a step father is a thankless job

  40. T Richardson says:

    At 1:03 that lady looked to left in such a shady way 😂

  41. Leah James says:

    That lady in the white sounds very selfish.

  42. Just Trying To Tell You says:

    The first lady: I feel ya baby but, you're the exception not the norm. People are complaining about the bold & brash, loud, unrealistic standard having, thug loving, baby making factory types.

  43. NegroDeSangue says:

    It’s clear to me that most women are the arbiters of their own disfunction. If this is typical black american female thinking then you chicks are lost and it’s a wrap.

  44. Tony Williams says:

    I swear blaxk women dream to be single moms for the clount. Dumbass attention whores. I swear.

  45. Americus DeVille says:

    This room represents the massive American failure of feminism.

  46. Shep says:

    Being “together” with the person you had a baby with doesn’t automatically create the optimal circumstances to raise a child. And being apart doesn’t automatically create dysfunction. I think all 3 women were great examples of different vantage points of single parenthood

  47. Lynn Jones says:

    There's something call birth control,free but no one to use it,ask a man is f he want kids 8 out of 10 will say NO,what is that saying

  48. Branches Online says:

    A room full of Oprah's.

  49. Black Raspberry says:

    Simple black woman. Stop having babies by men who have wives at home trying to break up marriages and relationships who will not be in those kids life because they really dont want you but you have babies to trap them. Single moms you are cursing your kids with your actions.

  50. diane abi says:

    Why would you have kids with a person you’re not sure would be a descent father ?

  51. Ama Okyere says:

    I think the stigma against single moms is more so geared towards out of wedlock kids than divorced moms.

  52. blackchick B says:

    the 2nd woman …. sis what are you saying?
    it means you was a single mom but married

  53. Kevin Jose says:

    Im a black man I have question..If I want children, but I dont want to get married. What should I do? Or how would one handle that?

  54. The Observer Melanin says:

    Say Broke Single Moms because kids keep you Broke and or Struggling

  55. The Observer Melanin says:

    How can you be Proud to Have 4 Baby Daddy"s. That is very Messy and Promiscuous.

  56. Alexander Youngster says:

    You cannot talk about single mothers in the BC and forget to talk were it came from and why. Get to the root of the issue, so understanding can take place.

  57. Hannah N says:

    I've seen comments saying that young women need to be taught how to pick better partners but I didn't see any saying that young men need to be taught how to be good partners & fathers. When the conversation comes up about single mothers, why is the onus always on them? It takes two – she didn't have that baby on her own. Anyway, shout out to all the single mothers raising amazing children on their own!

  58. Dupree Latimore says:

    Single mothers are Damage Goods, American Black Woman think this is cute

  59. Quincy 82 says:

    Single mothers always make the worst stupidist choices in life.

  60. tisland says:

    That last lady spoke the deep words many women are too afraid to speak.

  61. MyNameIsNotImportant says:

    “Single mom” is a term coined by the white man to prevent black women from having babies, in order for him to mass produce babies with his white woman. But now, the white man is being punished by his white wife through high rates of divorce, suicide, drug use, joblessness, and homelessness. Also, white women tend to give birth to more male babies than female babies, which explains the low rate of young White women to white men. The average age of white women is around 55 years old, which is far beyond their reproductive years. The white man literally has no one to mate with.

    Black Women on average tend to give birth to more female babies. Coupled that the average black man lives below poverty line, and have a prison record, the black man has been socially sterilized. That’s why there are more black women than black men. The black man has more choices than the black woman. This is why there are more single black Women

  62. Cristobal Cruz-Salinas says:

    Last woman fine af

  63. Erica Williams says:

    This was a very good conversation that came from unique experiences. They never said they wanted to be a single mother for some of you that don’t listen. They shared their journey that led them to become one which can happen to any woman no matter race.

  64. Ice Forrest says:

    The second lady was like me, me, me..maybe you shouldnt have had soo many kids! I would hate to have a mom like that

  65. We are vr Virtual Reality says:

    Why is this Oprah’s talking points always to degrade the black family u have black family’s out here but she doesn’t ever want to speak on that just the stereotype of our race always downgraded us but uplifting white society giving them a way to feel better about themselves black single moms like they don’t have white ones she is toxic to the black family especially black males

  66. Adrienne King says:

    Too often the pressure to obtain and hold on to a husband is to the detriment of our children and ourselves. There are far too many dysfunctional and abusive marriages/relationships in our community. Too many of us believe that even though our children witness our dysfunctional relationships they are still better off having their father in the home. I am a witness to it and I was NOT better off for it. If not for the other men in my family I may have grown up with the belief that Black men are abusive or neglectful. It was my uncles, cousins and brother that showed me Black men can be and are awesome. So yes, two parent households are ideal but not at all costs.

  67. Kate O says:

    Two important points:
    1) Black women do specifically get judged for this the most. There are white and latino women having multiple babies and living off of welfare with no regard for mate selection or contraception all over this country. But sisters get put down and made fun of more than anyone. It's a hurtful and unfair stereotype.
    2) Regardless of our choices and the lessons we take away from those choices, we all want to be heard and respected. Whether we chose to have a child out of wedlock, adopted kids, ended a marriage to share custody, stumbled into motherhood reluctantly, or decide to not have kids at all – none of us want to be judged for that, not by the world and especially not by other black women.

  68. Kam Y says:

    What a bunch of delusional women. Single parent households are destroying our future. Boys raised by single mothers are more likely to end up in prison, less likely to graduate from university, have lower incomes, and are more likely to father children out of wedlock. Single mothers get a bad rep because of these negative consequences.

    Let's not try to put lipstick on a pig.

  69. Jessica Bailey says:

    That last women is a gift omg.

  70. Jay Roy says:

    A bunch of self-centered women, except the last one

  71. Galaxi 7 says:

    One of the reasons I never had kids is knew I'd end up a single mum. Didn't wanna end up like my mother.

  72. Jacqueline Perry says:

    My mom raised me in a single parent home and I had 8 others sibling all had same mom and dad and she was married but she told me he was never there like she was single.he died when I was 10 and I never knew him although they were married mom took all of her time with the kids but she was a good woman not in the streets selling herself never allowed men in her home around her kids think she never dated after her husband she just wanted to take care of her kids worked a lot of odd jobs and we were never hungry she was a great mom and the good was different from today the neighbors looked out for you and they told mom on you and you got in trouble if they told on you for doing the wrong thing back when good times was in tv and Fred and the jeffersons the good ole days

  73. Aaron Ogbuehi says:

    Every race has single mums what makes black mums so special and entitled

  74. Juwan Williams says:

    Is 75% a stigma I thought numbers were facts

  75. Clarissa Davis says:

    No ring. No womb. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? 😴 you have to make a man invest in your time and womb. Come on. There are women renting their wombs for 1000’s at a time and you ladies are out here doing it for free with no solid commitment? Wake the hell up.

  76. Paula Love says:

    🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I’m honestly annoyed with these forums and seeing BW crying and acting Oblivious & always in victim mode.

    My beautiful sisters LISTEN!
    Has woman we should never trust without verifying , never ever look pass a man’s character for a mere desperation of “LOVE” ..
    We have to verify before trusting and giving your self ,which only comes through :
    1. Questioning
    2. Observation
    3. Time

    To be very honest 98% of the time we see the RED FLAGS 🚩 and Ignore them over & over again . We know some of these men are incapable to give them self spiritually, Psychologically & financially but we STILL lay with these man . If the foundation is weak how the hell do you expect to see growth and progression?

    Then hear we go crying and Spitting all type of venoms about “ BLACK MEN “🙄. Come on ladies! close the shop do some soul searching ,become your greater self and allow time and the universe to send that man in your life that will complement your nature ..

    Come off of this “ I can’t fine a man” , “I need a husband” . IT WILL COME when you a whole enough to understand & appreciate it .. smh
    Your desperation only Creating bitterness & regrets.

  77. Bill Lewis says:

    All I hear is “I’m a victim, I’m a victim”. Verbal Irony. All women are doing is gaslighting.

  78. Mal Bruni says:

    Black women hold the record for baby daddies..single moms..they do open their legs all too quick..woman in white selfish..lots of baby daddies but thinks of herself. Put your kids first

  79. M B says:

    As women in our society, we must keep the family together, now if your in a case where your being abused no. But if your not being abused or have lost someone, it's our duty to stay married and to raise your kids with a 2 parent home, at least until they are 18 and out of the house. And for you women out there you CANNOT raise a boy to be a MAN, only a man can do this. Why do you think there are so many our children incarcerated or homeless etc. Because of no male figures in the life that have a POSITIVE effect on them.

  80. Rhonda Heggs says:

    Not only was a single mom but a teenager and regardless I knew I was keeping my son he is definitely the best part of me and he is such a great human being

  81. Candor spot says:

    Separating a father from his children is hardly ever an altruistic move. It's done out of hatred.

  82. Nadahh A. says:

    Doesnt mean single motherhood is the best..find a good partner so your child has a balance of masculinity and femininity.

  83. Michael L says:

    It aint a stigma its a statistic. this channel is called own. But i dont see women owning up to anything.

  84. Phillips Watson says:

    😱CHILDREN ARE POOR PEOPLE RICHEST 😨SAD😰SMDH

  85. Faith 4 says:

    The last speaker was powerful👏👏🙏

  86. Julian Hall says:

    The last women who spoke, she touched your heart. Women half to choose wisely the man they want to be with. Financial benefits are not the key but find a dude that has the right personality that rhymes with you. And please stop choosing these thugs who try to act all hard but are not educated or want something in life. As colored people it should be more stable marriages. If you put Jesus and the word of God as the center foundation of your household & marriage he will make sure that it is a healthy marriage.

  87. Pip Lyf says:

    She may have walked away from the man, but TRUST she still living that life off that monthly CS check. Dont be fooled.

  88. Ladybug says:

    I wish I had a 50/50 share with my ex-husband. She’s one luck woman because that’s rare to me. I understand what the First Lady was saying because who wants to be a single parent, especially when you was married.

  89. suijurispeacemaker says:

    Its made it better for YOU. But what about the kids???

  90. misscamara12 says:

    The second lady seems like she didn’t want to be bothered with the responsibility of being a mom. For her to have split with all 3 of her kids’ fathers shows she’s problematic. A lot of single moms want to act as if they are still a single woman with no kids.

  91. c v says:

    Their is a HUGE stigma attached to single moms. Single dad's have it bad as well. Women arent running to date single dads either.

  92. Kemet Trill says:

    I would love to know what percentage of black single mothers purposely picked the father of their child because he exhibited traits of potentially being a good father? I'm afraid that most likely a large percentage of these babies were accidents with partners they didn't want to be tied to long term.

  93. Supreme 12860 says:

    With weak families come broken COMMUNITAH'S

  94. Lola Amazon says:

    What about the single moms who escaped domestic abuse? They don’t talk about that do they ?

  95. BeautifulSoul 94 says:

    So many people, so many different situation. No judgement. This is life.

  96. M.s. Dickerson-Jones says:

    Single mother culture is unhealthy and abuse

  97. M.s. Dickerson-Jones says:

    Black men need to be valued and respected

  98. Sofie D says:

    These people never heard of birth control?

  99. oppfromthenorm 18 says:

    The last sister right

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